This, the day of your birth, is a special occasion for all of mankind. You shall be looked on by future generations as a fountain of knowledge, from which many epiphanies and revelations will flow. Not to mention bad metaphors. From the mind of your father and creator, you will run, and with each letter of senseless drivel I place upon your page, you will grow.
So, prepare yourself for the world my child, for it is a brutal and unforgiving place filled with dangerous and hungry monsters of all varieties! As many as there are candies, but much much more frightening. Unless you count the Cavity Creeps, they were some H.G. Wells shit. Take heart though, we shall be comrades through this journey, you and I, and will weather the fury of the Internet and it's horrors together. You will be my body, and I, your soul.
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